Avenger Vacation
by SuperWhoLokiLocked
Summary: Tony Stark buys an island and invites his teammates over for a little time away from their superhero duties. But of course trouble finds them anyway, and the day ends up being saved by someone unexpected...


"You bought an _island?_"

Steve stared incredulously at Tony, who waved off the question with the glass of scotch he happened to be holding. "Yeah, so? Property is property, middle of the city or middle of the ocean." He tossed back the alcohol and gestured with the empty glass as he continued, "It's totally private, got an awesome mansion right on the beach, and guess what? I'm having a party to break it in, and you're all invited!"

Tony's teammates, standing and sitting in various locations around his kitchen, didn't exactly react with the enthusiasm he had expected.

Natasha was the first to speak. "Tony," she said, an eye-roll obvious in her voice, "we can't just take a few days off to party. That's not how things work."

"Oh, spare me. Fury can live without us for a while."

"No, she's right," Steve nodded. "It's our job to be ready at all times in case of an emergency. We don't have the option to all leave at once, no matter how short of a time it's for."

Tony failed to suppress a look of exasperation. "Yeah, well, I didn't really expect either of you to be on board. 'Work Is My Life' and the good little Boy Scout, God forbid you have a little fun. How 'bout the rest of you, huh?"

"I'm in," Clint shrugged. "A party sounds good to me."

"Yeah!" Tony lofted the bottle of scotch he'd just pulled out of a cupboard. "Bruce? Thor? You guys wanna party?" he asked as he refilled his glass.

Thor walked up and clapped Tony affectionately on the shoulder, sending some of the man's drink sloshing onto the floor. "I would very much enjoy celebrating with you, Stark!"

"Good to hear, big guy, good to hear. Bruce...?"

The scientist chuckled at the puppy dog look Tony was giving him. "I'm not really a party kind of guy."

"Ah, come on! You don't have to be in the thick of things. You can chill on the beach, get some sun, relax! It'll be great!"

"I think your definition of 'relax' is a bit different than mine."

"So you're coming, awesome," Tony grinned. Bruce sighed but didn't argue, smiling slightly at his friend's impossible attitude. "Steve, Tasha? You sure you want to stay here all by yourselves? You're gonna miss the party of a lifetime."

"That's what you say about all your parties." Natasha hopped down from the counter that she'd been sitting on and started for the elevator, done with the conversation and ready to head back to her room.

"Nat, c'mon, it'll be fun," Clint called after her.

The redhead turned. "You boys won't want a girl cramping your style, I'm sure. Besides, someone has to be here in case something happens."

"Nothing's going to happen!" Tony assured her. "We'll be gone two days, three days tops!"

"Plenty of time for something to come up."

"But nothing will! When was the last time _all_ of us needed to go out on a job? The fiasco with Loki, and that was like, two years ago. The only things since then have been easy, easy enough that old Eyepatch could just send out a few agents and call it good." Tony pointed at Natasha with the bottle of scotch. "You need to lighten up. For real. You're gonna go prematurely gray."

"If I say yes, will you stop whining?"

"I make no promises." Tony didn't flinch under the pointed stare the assassin leveled at him, just raised a brow and smirked.

After a moment of deliberation, Natasha replied, "Fine," and left without another word.

Tony and Clint fist bumped. "Four down, one to go," Tony said, turning his gaze to Steve. Rather than argue, Steve just raised his hands in surrender.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Mister Responsibility is giving up without a fight?" Tony glanced at the Avengers still in the room. "Am I missing something?"

Steve sighed. "You're right about there not being any serious jobs lately. It's unlikely that anything would suddenly come up just when we happen to be gone, and if everyone else is going..."

"Yes, exactly," Tony nodded. "If all the other kids are doing it, join in."

Before Steve had time to wonder if that was meant to be sarcastic or not, Tony drained his second glass of scotch, slammed the bottle and the empty glass down on the counter, and shouted, "The jet will be here at midnight!"

* * *

"Shit, man. This is _nice._" Clint gave the oceanfront mansion an appreciative once-over. The mansion, _and_ the bikini-clad women strutting around the beach with trays of brightly colored drinks.

Natasha elbowed him in the ribs.

"What?" he grumbled, and Tony patted him on the back.

"Good luck with that, buddy."

As Nat and Clint headed up to the house to take care of their things, Thor's voice boomed from the shoreline, "Stark, this place is wonderful! You have chosen our destination most wisely!"

"I know," Tony agreed with his typical lack of humility.

Compliments were handed out all around, even from Steve, who was usually hesitant to embrace any element of the billionaire's extravagant lifestyle. After about an hour, everyone settled in-Natasha lay sprawled on a raft out in the water, trying to get a tan. Clint and Thor were making that difficult by having a cannonball competition off the dock about ten feet away. Steve was rocking in a hammock strung between two palm trees, enjoying some (nonalcoholic) coconut milk. Bruce had been coaxed into shorts and a t-shirt and was having a pleasant time just sitting in the shade beneath an umbrella.

"I told you guys this was going to be awesome." Tony sipped contentedly through a straw at the neon blue drink in the arm of his floating chair.

"Yeah," Natasha admitted as they drifted past each other. "It's-,"

"CANNONBALL!" Clint leapt into the water and Nat pursed her lips at the splash that rained down on her. Seconds later, Thor jumped in, and the small tidal wave that followed soaked her _and _Tony.

Tony chuckled while Natasha muttered something under her breath in Russian that sounded a lot like a threat.

* * *

The group ended their first day on the island gathered around a crackling driftwood fire. There was a fire pit up closer to the house, but everyone agreed that the view was better from right on the beach. They sat, looking past the greenish saltwater flames, out at the setting sun and the red-orange streaked sky.

"I've got to say, Tony, this is pretty great." Steve stretched his arms above his head and let out a satisfied yawn. "It's not what I expected. When you said 'party,' I thought you meant..." He trailed off, everybody already aware of what a typical Tony party consisted of.

"Oh, I did," Tony told him. "I just wanted to let you all get used to the place first. Believe me, the _really _good stuff is coming."

Steve looked a little dismayed, but Bruce laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm sure we can find a quiet corner to hide out in," he only half-joked.

A tall, blonde woman in a pink bikini stepped into the group of people. "Mr. Stark?" she purred, holding out a tray of drinks.

"Thanks, sweetheart." He took a glass of clear liquid with a slice of lime on the rim and gave the woman a flirtatious wink. She continued around to each of the teammates-they all got a good laugh out of Steve's blushing and embarrassed, "No thank you, ma'am,"-but Clint was the only one to take anything.

Just as everyone was agreeing on how nice it was to be on a peaceful, stress-free, non-Avenger getaway, a low rumble sounded and the ground trembled under their feet. The ocean water lapped against the shore in short, agitated waves that quickly began gaining height.

"What is that?" Natasha questioned, immediately jumping to her feet.

Tony cast a curious glance around the beach. "Dunno," he shrugged.

A few hundred yards out in the water, a huge form suddenly sprang into sight with a hideous screech. A mass of snaking, twisting tentacles flailed wildly around the body of an enormous sea creature.

"Looks like a squid," Tony declared.

"What the _hell_!?" Clint, now also on his feet, reached instinctively for the arrows that he didn't have.

"Okay, before we freak out, just hang on a second," Steve ordered, since everybody by then was up and looking extremely worried, aside from Thor. "Is that seriously a... giant squid?"

"Well, it's not a little squid."

"Yes, thank you, Tony. What I mean is, is that definitely not a normal animal? It hasn't just grown larger than usual?"

"Steve, the thing is bigger than the damn house!" Tony gestured to the mansion behind them to illustrate the point.

"Animals of this size are not common on Midgard?" Thor assumed.

"No, not really." Clint looked skeptically at his teammates, all still dressed in their beachwear, completely and utterly unprepared for something as random as a giant squid attack.

"Bruce, Thor, this is all you," Tony said, inclining his head towards the two men. Bruce, being the only member of the group who didn't have to carry any weapons or armor with him, was always ready to fight, and Thor never went anywhere without Mjolnir.

Dr. Banner took a step back. "Sorry, I'm not just going to kill an animal. I mean, yeah, it's big, but it's still just an animal."

"Come on, the thing is a frigging _monster_!" Clint objected.

Before an argument could break out, Steve cut in. "I agree that it's not exactly an appealing idea, but animal or not, it's a problem. It could wreck ships, bring down buildings close to the shore. And people would go into a panic if they saw it."

"I will take care of the creature," Thor said, grabbing his hammer.

Steve nodded. "You're going to have to. None of the rest of us are properly equipped to handle something like this."

So Thor, still wearing his red swim trunks, waded out waist-deep into the water and lifted Mjolnir. He pulled back, aimed, and hurled the hammer at the colossal animal. The squid jerked sideways at the last second and the weapon plowed relatively harmlessly through its waving tentacles.

Thor frowned as Mjolnir looped around and came back to him. Twice more he tried to hit the squid, but both times the slippery creature avoided the blows.

"All right, this is going nowhere," Tony complained. "The thing's too far away to throw anything accurately, and besides, it's almost dark out. We're going to have to find a different way to deal with it."

The sun had indeed nearly disappeared beyond the horizon. Thor returned to the group, still gathered around the fire, and they were in the middle of discussing how best to defeat the giant squid when something unexpected happened.

All noise coming from the monster suddenly stopped. Confused, everyone turned to see the animal hovering, completely motionless. Motionless, and... shrinking?

"Damn, Tony, what did you put in those drinks?" Clint asked.

The squid continued growing smaller and smaller until it reached a normal size. Then, flailing around once again, it fell into the water and disappeared beneath the surface.

For a few seconds there was nothing but silence.

"Well," Tony said, "that was really freaking weird."

Murmurs of agreement ran through the team of superheroes.

Then, a voice almost as unexpected as the squid's appearance sounded out from a ways down the shoreline: "Well, we weren't intending to let you know we were here, but now I suppose it's rather obvious."

"Brother?" Thor called in disbelief. "Is that you?"

"Hello, Thor. And the rest of you, as well." Loki stepped into sight, looking remarkably like a normal human being in khaki shorts and a dark green V-neck.

"What the hell are _you _doing here!?" Clint demanded.

"Yeah, this is my island!" Tony added.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Please. I just came to tell you that you needn't be concerned about that creature. It was unintentional. Luckily, I was here to prevent things from getting out of hand."

"Wait, what?" Tony held up a hand. "Stop, whoa, hang on. Are you saying _you _had something to do with that squid?"

"I returned it to its normal state, yes."

"And why was it _out of_ its normal state?"

"Because," Loki sighed, "you aren't the only ones on this island. A group of your, ah, enemies, are gathered on the other side. There-,"

"WHAT!?" Everyone started speaking at once, shouting, asking questions, until Loki gave Thor a sidelong glance and the thunderer bellowed, "QUIET!"

"As I was saying," Loki continued when the noise died down, "many of your group's enemies are gathered on the other side of this island. There was experimental technology being passed around, a dispute broke out, and your 'squid' was unfortunate enough to be caught in the crossfire. A juvenile mistake, and one that I rectified."

"Okay... Um... Thank you?" Steve ventured when no one else said anything.

Loki nodded once, then turned to Tony. "Stark, I would pay more attention to what property you claim to be yours in the future." With that, he left.

"We need to leave, get our equipment, and come back," Natasha said as soon as Loki was out of earshot. "Our enemies all together in one place? We can't miss this opportunity."

One of the scantily clad women with a drink tray sauntered up to Tony while his teammates went over plans of how to take down the villains on the other side of the island.

"Tony?" Steve asked. "What's your opinion on this?"

The playboy took a glass and sipped at its contents; the woman who had given it to him ran a hand through his hair as she walked away.

"Tony," Steve repeated.

He smirked. "It can wait."


End file.
